When a Husband Wants to Do Something Absurd in the Bedroom

God designed sexual intimacy with our husbands to be an awesome thing.  In fact, there is no greater intimacy (as well as vulnerable act) than making love with the man you made a lifelong covenant with.

But…sometimes a husband just goes off the deep end.  Perhaps he doesn’t know what is acceptable to God in the marriage bed?  Or he knows and he just doesn’t care?

He wants to do something that is not God honoring.

And he wants to make choices ( as well as demands) that obviously have no regard for the well-being of his wife and their marriage.

This is what one wife is dealing with in her marriage.

Here’s her story….

Dear Jolene,

My husband, who is not walking with God, wants us to explore with other sexual partners in the bedroom. When I say no he says then his needs aren’t a priority and he will not stay married to someone who doesn’t put his needs into consideration.  My husband is a believer.

I call what he wants ‘absurd’, because it is!

So, how does a Christ-centered wife deal with a request like this from her husband?

Scripture Reference:

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)

Show Transcripts:

ERIC: Hi I’m Eric Engle, with my beautiful, wonderful wife, for another episode of The Marriage Mentor.

JOLENE: For this episode I titled it “My Husband is Absurd for What He Wants to Do in The Bedroom”. What do you think about that?

ERIC: Well, I think it’s absurd.

JOLENE: (Laughs) Okay, so this poor wife writes in and says, “My husband is not walking with God – wants us to explore with other sexual partners in the bedroom. When I say no, he says that his needs aren’t a priority and he will not stay married to someone who does not put his needs into consideration.” And by the way, she said that her husband is a believer, any thoughts for that?

ERIC: Well, not walking with God. The short answer is, don’t let the door hit your big fat butt on the way out!

JOLENE: Yeah, bye-bye! That would be my thought if you came to me with something absurd like that.

ERIC: Let’s get to the long answer – he says he’s a believer… really?

JOLENE: Well, you will know them by their fruits.

ERIC: Right. I’m just beside myself – for a guy that say’s he’s a believer, how does he defend an action like this? How does he even have the courage to open his mouth and say something as stupid as this? With other sexual partners? The world says that this is all great, but it’s just one big fat lie from Satan! You see it on T.V., you see it all over the place – it’s just perversion! That’s all it is.

JOLENE: Here’s what he does, he says ‘I’m the man of the home and you’re not meeting my sexual needs, here, let me manipulate you!’ And some will even do this through spiritual manipulation! You’ve got to know your Bible! If the wife knows her Bible she can just turn to this page and say, ‘nope, I’m not going to submit to your sin! Ain’t gonna happen!’

ERIC: And she says, “…when I say no, he says his needs aren’t a priority and he will not stay married to someone who doesn’t put his needs into consideration.”

JOLENE: Yeah, well, his needs aren’t in line with the Bible.

ERIC: This is what he’s really saying: ‘Hey, Christian wife, my sin isn’t a priority in your life – I don’t get it! Why isn’t my sin a priority? I feel neglected!’ And rightfully so.

JOLENE: So what’s a wife to do in this situation?

ERIC: I would say to all wives out there, yes, neglect your husband’s sin every single time – you never want to embrace his sin, you never want to encourage his sin, and you always, always, always, must say no to his sin! It doesn’t matter what he threatens, it doesn’t matter if he says he’s not going to stay married, if that’s the case, then good riddance, because the Lord has something better for you in store.

JOLENE: Don’t compromise your Biblical convictions – he’s outside of the Will of God in what he’s asking you to do. He’s outright asking you to sin against God.

ERIC: And right now, he’s destroying his life, but if you give into his sin, it will destroy your life as well. And you can draw the line where it doesn’t happen.

JOLENE: Please God and not man, because your husband wants you to go outside the marriage, which is completely absurd. He wants something that is so much of an absurdity, that I can’t believe he had the gal to ask her this, and then try to manipulate her in the process!

ERIC: Here’s the other thing – if he says he’s a believer, then great, you go to the men in the church and say ‘my husband, the believer, is putting this ultimatum on me and I need help.’

JOLENE: Right. That’s the Matthew 18 principle.

ERIC: Absolutely. Have them come over to the house, sit your husband down and say, ‘Okay, have a conversation, tell them what you told me – go ahead.’

JOLENE: If you did this to me, I would so totally do that! I would confront you – you confront him first. You go to Matthew 18, read that whole passage. You confront the sinner first with his sin, if he’s not listening, then you go to an elder in the church or a brother in the Lord. If your husband still doesn’t listen, then you go to the church. Follow those principles – walk them out in your life. And trust God! I’m sure it would be very scary to lose the marriage, maybe she’s at home and she doesn’t work and he’s her main provider. There could be a lot of fear surrounding that.

ERIC: There could be a lot of fear, but what you’ve got to hold on to is that we stand on the rock and the rock is Jesus. And because of that steadfastness of Jesus and what He has brought to us and what He promises us, you can be assured that you will be taken care of.

JOLENE: The Lord would rather you stand for righteousness and His Word than to compromise what the Bible has to say in order to fulfill your husband’s outright sinful sexual needs. Those are my thoughts.

ERIC: It’s cut and dry for me.

JOLENE: Yeah, me too. I’m Jolene Engle, here with my husband Eric and we will catch you next time.

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Live a poured out life for Christ,

Jolene Engle